Introducing George

I waited so long to introduce George to you because I really didn’t know where to start - and I still don’t. There’s too much to say and I am not a good enough writer to transfer George from my mind to text. What follows is only a pathetic attempt. 

George. Over 1.90m tall, medium build, sparse blonde hair that is almost ginger, pale pinkish skin, thin framed glasses and slightly piggy-like features. 

George is annoying. Everyone thinks George is annoying, for different reasons and to different degrees, but I think that’s the general consensus. George speaks in bursts of words in a syncopated pattern that goes word-torrent- quick breath - word - torrent - quick breath, all of the above delivered in a booming voice which will inevitably drown whatever conversation one is attempting to conduct either on the phone or in person. Darren - who shares an office with him - can often be seen trying to talk to a client on the phone with a finger in his ear, desperately trying to shut out George’s braying. 

George will always has something to say on any given subject. In fact, he - or one of his chums - will have have had the most incredible and implausible experience on the above mentioned given subject. He has an anecdote filed away for every occasion, ready to be delivered to the unsuspecting victim, at any time, in any place, whatever the situation. 

George was told to lose some weight to help manage his diabetes. As a result, over the last four months he’s lost over a stone, which has prompted me to refer to him as ‘Slimmer of The Week’, a moniker he seems to rather like. He cycles daily into work, timing his journey with an iPhone GPS application and then gives me daily updates on his latest Personal Best. He also plays tennis - again, with a chum or another - and - wait for it - takes singing lessons. 

Yes, I said ‘singing lessons’. You see, George, who is in his late forties, has recently discovered a passion for performing. So he takes singing lessons, and then practices to a MP3 tracks given to him by his teacher. Sometimes, if Darren is out, he gets his iPhone and starts practising in the office. According to him, his office has great acoustics, which is why, occasionally in the early evening, when the only living creatures at Rickety Properties are the fish and the pigeons in the back patio, George stays behind and sings. He said that gives his next door neighbours a break too and it allows him to really belt the tunes out without feeling too self-conscious. 

At this point, I’ll let you into a secret. I kind of like George, although he irritates the hell out of me and often makes me want to hit him. But he’s a bit of a misfit, the kind of guy who says the wrong thing at the wrong time. He will then offer to make me cups of coffee as an apology. He’s not like Smaug. 

Anyway, stay tuned for more on George, now that the floodgates are open.

Comments

[Eve]

But how is his singing? Because when I read that I had a flashback to a horribly arrogant but well-known physician who hired me to collaborate on a book with him when in fact he just wanted to sleep with me. (When I met my husband this came to very bright light, as he unceremoniously dumped me from the project and wrote me this letter copying people and pleading with me not to commit suicide over him. Seriously.)

Anyway, this sociopath had money to burn and so he decided that the latest thing he hadn't conquered was the music world, and so he took voice lessons from a woman who told him in no uncertain terms not to quit his day job, but he continued to waste her time as she was only too happy to take his money. The climax of this unfortunate venture came when he booked studio time and cut a CD of himself massacring Leonard Cohen's 'Halleljuah,' complete with studio musicians, rapturous audience sound effects and a faux-humble 'Thank you.' [Deep bow.] He even finagled his way to meeting Leonard Cohen with his influence and supposed great talent. His colleagues tolerated his indulgence, but he was so selectively lacking in social skills he appeared to have no indication that many ran the other way whenever a microphone was spotted in the vicinity.

[Asphodelia]

Jeez!!! The lengths he went to in order to impress you!!!
George's singing is ok, by his own admission he only does it for fun. He said if he didn't have to work now he'd enroll at acting school, without any ambitions to be an actor but to do something he enjoys. I can relate to that....