"This is where the party ends/I can't stand here listening to you/And your racist friend" (They Might Be Giants, 'Your Racist Friend')
It's Friday afternoon and The Captain is full of energy, despite having just been floored with high fever the day before. Between fits of coughing up pleghm, he starts to recall a conversation with the fishmonger from the local market - his favourite lunchtime haunt. Anyway, the friendly fisherman had apparently been praising the benefits of using 'the belt' for bringing up children. His argument is that if you tell your child to 'go and get the belt', the child will instantly know he's done wrong and as he will be punished, he surely won't do it ever again. The Captain totally approves of such methods. I feel slightly nauseous. I can't say that I have ever been hit with a belt, but I have had my arse kicked by my father a few times, and the memories are not pleasant ones. If I were a parent, there is no way I'd want to inflict the same terryfying experience on a child.
But as usual, Our Hero manages to surpass himself. 'Because you see', he carries on ranting to his secretary, clearly on a roll, ' It works with dogs as well. The dog doesn't do it again! This is what we should do with those Arabs, Saudis and Pakistanis. Like that Muslim cleric who's just been released from prison and now we can't deport him'. I can't believe what I'm hearing. I look at Laura and she stares back at me, in disbelief. We cannot believe he's saying stuff like this. But he goes on: 'Our boys are getting killed in Afghanistan, but we can't even touch these people', he rants away.
I cannot believe this man. I'm certainly not one for extreme political correctness, and I would be very happy to see the world rid of Islamic extremism (as well as Christian extremism). But the way The Captain manages to turn even the most unrelated subject into a racist rant really shocks me. You wonder how people like him managed to get to where they are. This is a man who, when he gets an enquiry from a Middle-Eatern, African or Asian-sounding name, he automatically treats it with suspicion. During my time as his secretary, I used to have to make him reply to such emails, trying to drill into that thick head of his that they could have been from a Saudi Sheik looking for his next luxury mega-yacht. God knows how many mega-deals The Company has lost thanks to this moron.
Sick of hearing his rants, I get up to make a cup of coffee. As I get Laura's cup, she says, 'are you sure you want a black coffee? Would you not rather have a nice Aryan coffee?'.
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